And then there’s that moment when it happens all at once.
That moment when you sit down to tie your shoe and find yourself hunched over, gasping for breath, staring at the floor like its rushing at you when it’s really standing still. You catch yourself looking up, clutching your hair, looking around, mouthing OMG and realizing, again, that there’s no one here to witness this, that you’re in this bubble where the sounds coming from the other side of the door don’t matter, that you’re dying to tell someone but, where the hell to begin?
That moment you realize you’ve been freaking out but you’ve really only been staring at the wall for about twenty minutes, and you walk back into the living room where other people roam, back to reality, and you think everything is fine, and you start doing the laundry, and typing a text, and restarting Hulu, and then realizing you forgot the detergent back in your room, which was the reason you went back there in the first place.
Your laces weren’t even untied.
That moment when your friends text you back asking: so how do you feel? And you kinda shrug like, I don’t fucking know, and then you realize they can’t see you so you type back.
That moment you’re so full of ideas, so full of paths and directions from where this moment can go, and you see infinite roads and possibilities and layers and dimensions to one question that you can only stare and marvel and laugh and go a little crazy and realize you’re a little faint so you sit down.
That moment when you can only stare into space as everything else moves forward and for a second you feel everything is rushing past you and you need to catch a breath.
That moment you go back to your room again for your keys. And again for your jacket. And again because, oh what the hell might as well get money too.
That moment when you walk out the door and realize the ways your life can change.